What’s Love Got to Do With It?
Can You Really Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Catching Feelings? (Asking for Your Coochie)
You ever have sex so good your brain whispers, “This is your husband” mid-thrust?
Yeah. Same.
We’re sold the idea that we’re evolved enough to separate sex from love. And sometimes, that’s true. But more often than not, our bodies didn’t get the memo. From oxytocin to caveman wiring, your brain and your bits are having two very different conversations.
So, can you have great sex without getting your heart broken?
Yes.
But only if you know exactly what you’re doing.
Let’s break it down.
It’s not so black and white
I believed I could absolutely separate sex from love. Easy. I was a modern woman! I had a neuroscience degree! I read Esther Perel in the bath while sipping wine and ghosting men who quote Nietzsche but don’t know where the clit is. Strong men create good times, if they have sat nav.
I thought I could ride the dopamine rollercoaster and hop off without so much as a hair out of place.
I mean, I’m the opposite of tin-woman, what was I thinking..
Because while you can have sex without catching feelings, the reality is—most of us aren’t wired for that. At least, not without some serious inner work and a crystal-clear sense of what we actually want from a partner.
So Why Do We Catch Feels When We Were Just Trying to Catch an Orgasm?
Let me take you on a quick trip through science class meets caveman campfire.
Neuroscience 101:
When women have sex, we release oxytocin—a hormone lovingly known as the “cuddle chemical” or “let’s-bond-and-make-babies” potion. It’s the same hormone released during childbirth and breastfeeding. So yeah. Your brain is basically like:
"Oh, are we building a family now? Should I start the nursery Pinterest board?"
Hunter-Gatherer Logic:
Back in the sabretooth tiger days, sex wasn’t just hot fun in a cave—it came with consequences. If a woman got pregnant, she needed protection, resources, and ideally, a partner who wouldn’t wander off mid-labour to go forage berries with Becky.
So nature, being the cheeky little matchmaker she is, made sure sex came with a side of emotional padding. Not because women were weak or needy—but because bonding increased survival. Emotional attachment = safer babies = evolution’s gold star. Cute, right?
Meanwhile, men’s biology wasn’t wired for the same post-coital loyalty. Evolution rewarded them for spreading the seed, not sticking around to rub feet and talk about feelings. Sad face.
Now fast forward to 2025 and we’re out here pretending we can hook up with Marc from Bumble and not feel anything, while our biology is like:
“Sweetie… we are IN LOVE. Did you see how he brought you a glass of water after he came all over your new sheets?”
So, Can You Actually Have Mind-Blowing Sex Without Catching Feelings?
Yes.
But—and this is a big but, only if you really know yourself.
If you’re not self-aware, if you’re craving emotional intimacy but pretending you’re just casually dating, then hun, you are setting yourself up to fall in love with someone just because he made you cum.
Have You Ever Heard Your Mom or Aunt Say: “Don’t sleep with him until the third date”?
It’s not because they’re old school. It’s because they’ve been burned too.
They’ve done the whole "Oops, I thought it was just sex, but now I’m fantasizing about his last name next to mine, while he’s foraging nettles with Becky, Anna, and Chantal" thing.
They know that if you don’t tread with caution, your coochie will betray you faster than your ex at Glastonbury.
So here’s the deal:
If you don’t know how to separate love and lust yet, then yes—third date rule, please, girls.
Let your brain catch up before your hormones start redecorating his apartment.
How Do You Actually Separate Sex from Love?
You’ve got to understand what you want from a partner and be honest with yourself. Not what your friends think. Not what your ego wants. Not what society told you to desire when you were 15 and watching The Notebook.
Here’s your checklist:
- Are you sleeping with him because you want to, or because you’re hoping it’ll make him stay?
- Will you actually be okay if he ghosts you tomorrow, or are you gonna end up decoding his last text in the group chat while pretending not to care?
- Are you fulfilled elsewhere in life, or are you trying to fill a void? (chuckle)
- Is this sex... or is it a secret audition for a relationship?
If you can answer those with radical honesty and still go in clear-eyed, then yes—you can have sex without catching feelings. You can enjoy it for what it is: a beautiful, raw, delicious moment of connection.
But if you're unsure? Wait.
There’s no rush. Desire doesn’t expire.
So… What Does Love Have to Do With It?
Sometimes love and sex go together. Sometimes they don’t.
The magic isn’t in forcing one to follow the other—it’s in knowing which is which, and choosing consciously.
Because the most powerful kind of sex isn’t the kind that tricks your brain into thinking it’s love.
It’s the kind where you already know the difference.
And you still choose to stay. So…Are you really ready to separate the two?
Or are you just pretending you can handle it until you end up crying in the shower because he never replied to your “lol that was fun 😏”?
Be honest. With yourself. With your body. With your intentions.
Because pleasure should come with clarity, not confusion.
Now go on and enjoy your weekend. Go on that Hinge date.
But if you’re unsure after 3 martinis? Keep it in your pants, princess.
Because once oxytocin shows up, it’s game over, honey.
What’s the most delusional thing your brain made you believe after one night?
If you loved this piece, share it with your group chat. We all have a friend who needs to hear this.